Hope Dies Last
by PennStateForever
Summary: Nothing makes sense really. Things just happen, most of the time they're out of our control. The only thing we can really do is hope that nothing bad will happen to those we care about most. Lily and James seventh yearr
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognize. i only own Joey and Emma and the other made up characters.

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Chapter One:

Lily Evans, Head Girl, top notch student, and maybe the brightest witch in her year, sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, enjoying her breakfast that morning. On either side of her sat her two best friends, Joey Mellilo and Emma Hill

"Lily dearest," Joey said, looking up from her toast that she had just lost interest in, "What are you doing for the holidays?"

"I don't know. It's the middle of October." She gave her friend an odd look and laughed.

"Oh yeah, but I mean—." She was interrupted, as what seemed like hundreds of owls swooshed in above their heads leaving letters and newspapers in front of various students.

Lily gave a groan of frustration as a letter dropped in her bowl oatmeal. "Stupid birds can't ever get their aim right."

She picked up the envelope and looked at it. The handwriting on the front was neat, as if a computer had written it. She opened it and found the same handwriting in a short letter.

It read:

_Ms. Lillian Evans,_

_We regret to inform you that at 11:32 last night there was an attack on your family by a cult of dark wizards called Death Eaters. Mrs. Rosalie Evans and Mr. Thomas Evans were unable to make it and were unfortunately found dead in their homes. Ms. Petunia Evans has requested you contact her soon; she was found early this morning, safe and unharmed. _

_We have placed as much protection as we are currently able to around your sister. _

_We give our sincerest condolences,_

_Henry Cayer Walter Hendericks_

_Minister of Magic Assistant Minister of Magic_

Lily stared blankly at the letter for several minutes before looking around to see if anyone was playing an extremely cruel joke on her.

Her gaze fell upon the Marauders first who looked as if they hadn't fully comprehended they were awake yet. The Marauders were a group of friends who were notorious for their pranks, among other things.

She looked at the letter again, her head spinning as she reread it again and again. It slid from her fingers and softly fell to the ground. Finally, she stood up and swiftly walked away from her table, leaving her friends behind staring confused after her.

As she soon as she was out of eyesight, she started sprinting up any stair case she saw, going up and up until she came out on a patio of some sort.

Missing the boy in the corner, she walked quickly to the stone cold railing, gripping it tightly she muttered, "It should have been me. I'm so sorry. It should have been me."

She stepped up on the thin railing, using the closest wall for support, and looked down at the sight below her. She was so far from the ground that the trees of the Forbidden Forest seemed to look like ants crawling on the hard dirt. A cold ice frosted her heart and her she felt her body go numb. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and went to push off with her feet.

"LILY! NO!" she felt a pair of strong arms around her waist pull her back and she fell to the ground onto a hard chest.

"Let me go! It's all my fault!" she started hitting her captor's chest, yelling and flailing about, trying to get free.

The arms just tightened until Lily expended every ounce of energy she had and broke down. "Why couldn't you leave me? I don't deserve to be here!" The tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she sobbed. "They're gone because of me. I wasn't there to protect them. Tuney probably hates me even more now. Everything is _gone_." She choked on the last word and turned her head onto the shoulder and cried more as quiet sobs shook her body.

She felt a hand stroke her hair and clung to the solid being.

"Shh. Lily it'll be okay." She recognized the voice immediately.

"J-James Potter?" She asked, she felt a nod on her head and continued to sob into the shoulder, not caring whose it was, even if it was her fellow Head Boy and worst enemy.

He continued to stroke her hair as she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder.

The minutes, maybe hours passed quickly as the two sat motionless, except for the occasional shudder from Lily as she wept continuously.

"J-James?" He looked down at her, as she had pulled her head from his now wet shoulder. "Why are you doing this?"

He looked at her, his eyes not conveying pity but something she couldn't understand. "I'm not doing anything Lily." He held her gaze before looking out into the graying sky.

"This is—it's unfair!" she pulled herself closer to James, the wind having decided to suddenly appear in the warm October day.

He wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It is." He agreed solemnly. "Life almost always is. We just have to accept our fate, move on and make the best off what we're given."

"I don't want to live with an unfair fate." She said, and then added quietly, "I don't want to live at all."

"I don't know what made you this way Lily, but you know as well as I do that that is _not _true." He said, not harshly but more pleadingly.

"They're dead James. Gone forever, and—" she swallowed back a sob. "They aren't coming back. Ever. Even if they could." She whispered the last part to herself, as if confirming it.

She stood up suddenly and looked at James, as if noticing him for the first time. "I—I have to go." She spun on her ankle and wrenched the door open, leaving a wide-eyed James Potter behind.

**_&$!_**

James made his way clumsily down back to the portrait of the Fat Lady. He needed Sirius's jokes, Remus's advice and Peter's food. He needed his fellow Marauders.

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**yeah so i'm not sure if i like this story. i just wrote it last night really quickly when the idea hit me. so i'm sorry for all the little grammar errors. **

**so yes, leave reviews if you want me to continue with this because i'm still slightly unsure.**

**no flames. please. **


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for my six reviewers.

Hope you like my lovely chapter haha. read and reviewww

Disclaimer- I don't own anything you recognize from Harry Potter or anything else you recognize from other works. :

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Chapter Two-

"Prongs mate, this is what you got to do," said Sirius Black as him and his fellow Marauders, well James and Remus Lupin (Peter had disappeared to the kitchens), sat in the common room. "First, you chuck the quaffle at him '_accidentally_', and then you '_accidentally_' steal my bat and hit a bludger at his filthy head."

"Great plan. Only I believe that I would be thrown out of the game." James rolled his eyes.

"I still don't understand why you can't just hex him in the halls." Remus said, not even looking up from his potions essay.

"MOONY!" Sirius bellowed, looking appalled at the thought. "Dear old Prongsy here is _Head Boy_." He took a deep breath and stood from his seat. "Need I explain to you the problems that this may cause, if he were to just go and hex Old Flint?"

"Fine, but from what I've heard he's been suspended from quidditch because of Transfiguration. Seems Old Flint has a bit of trouble with it. Good luck with bludgeoning him to death."

"Don't be like that!" Sirius said, a bit exasperatedly.

"I'm not being like anything. I just think you're making things too complicated. I mean just give him a fat boil on the back of his neck so that he doesn't see it." Remus said, putting his essay down. Obviously with Sirius in this mood he wasn't going to get anything done.

"Genius! But what do we do to keep him from feeling it?"

"You have to be kidding me?"

"Oh yes. You're a wise one. Devious, Moony, just plain devious."

"Prongs?" Remus looked at his friend; he had been unusually quiet since Monday. "Today's Thursday, right?"

James nodded, stood up quickly and muttered a few choice words under his breath. "I completely forgot about the meeting." He turned and sprinted out of the portrait hole.

_**&$!**_

James ran all the way to the Heads room, bumping into the shoulders of several students on the way down. He came to the stone wall, put his left hand on the sixth brick to the right and muttered, "_Mimbulus Mimbletonia._" As soon as the growing entry way had proceeded to become big enough for him to fit through he stuffed himself into it and stumbled into the dimly lit room. "Evans! I am so sorry. I didn't mean to be late. I just lost track of time—"

"It's alright." Lily quietly interrupted. "I haven't been here that long."

"I—I heard the news." He said grimly.

"I'm surprised you didn't figure it out Monday."

"I had a feeling." He gave an uncomfortable laugh. "I'm so sorry."

Lily was quiet and he looked up to see her sitting rigidly on the couch, her eyes closed. "I leave for the funeral tomorrow." She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. "Petunia has requested that I never return to this school and I take up life as a muggle."

James stood as still as possible, and jumped when she gave a shaky laugh.

"Joey said that if I take that advice she'd have Dumbledore go down and personally tell my sister she's off her rocker."

James gave her a quiet laugh. "Evans—."

"My names Lily." She gave a smile that wasn't hers. "My names Lily, James."

"Lily, you aren't planning on actually listening to her? I mean she's your sister, she can't be serious."

"I'm not going to listen to her, no. She isn't like a sister to me anymore. Sisters don't send letters to their little sisters telling them that they can rot in bloody Hell." She spit out bitterly. "Magic is the one thing I can understand in this wretched world." She said quietly.

He slowly walked over to the couch she sat on and stood beside her.

"It's kind of funny you know?" He looked at her, confused. "The day my parents die is the day everything falls into prospective. It was them I loved with my whole heart and my sister I loved only in my mind. It was her I actually I hated. Not the muggle world, not my stuffy room, not my small house, but only her."

He placed a hand on her shoulder before saying, "Dumbledore wanted me to ask you if you wanted me to attend the funeral as representation of Hogwarts. But I told him you wouldn't want that, I told him that he should represent his school."

"It also brought something else up." She looked at his hand, then his face. "It showed me how much you've changed." She gave him a brief smile, her old self breaking through a little. "I would appreciate it if you came, fewer questions would be raised."

He nodded and took a seat beside her. "I'll come then." They let a comfortable silence envelope them for a little while.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry. We ought to be discussing things to do with the school. Not my unimportant problems."

James was silent as she took a quill from her bag and spread the parchment that had been sitting on her lap.

"So, we're just discussing Hogsmeade visits and the possibility for a Winter Ball?" James nodded and she continued. "The Hogsmeade visits should wait for the meetings with the Prefects."

"I think we should have a Winter Ball, personally." James said.

"I think we should too. It would be a bit of a change. I think the last time Hogwarts had a ball was in our fourth year."

James smiled. "That's right. Sirius went with Emma. I remember that. You were so mad at having to spend the whole night with me."

Lily laughed and looked apologetic. "I think that's around the time you started first asking me out."

"Yeah." He sighed. "So what years will be coming to this?"

"I say fifth and above. They're the ones with the major exams; we need the time to relax."

"Right. How about we wait till next meeting to discuss the decorations and stuff?"

"Sounds fine."

He stood up and offered a hand to help her up; she declined it saying she could manage standing up on her own.

"I have to go to Dumbledore, so see you later then." James said, leaving her at the entrance.

He turned down the next corridor and came to stand in front of the gargoyle, which sprung to the side at the sound of his footsteps stopping. He jumped on the staircase that had started spiraling upwards and knocked twice on the closed door.

"Come in, Mr. Potter." Came the unmistakable sound of the Headmaster.

James entered and stood in front of the desk, trying not to become distracted by any of the odd objects around him.

"I talked with Lily." Dumbledore nodded a knowing look in his eyes.

"She said she wanted you to come, did she." It wasn't a question.

He nodded.

"Then you shall go. You floo from my office tomorrow at, oh say nine, in the morning." James nodded again. "Wear something nice. I know you own something other than dress robes." He nodded for a third time. "You may go." He turned to leave. "Oh, and Mr. Potter?"

"Yes professor?"

"Make sure Miss Mellilo and Miss Hill are here with you, _at seven_, in the morning."

"Yes sir." He turned around and left the office.

As soon as he was well down the corridor he turned into a darker one and leaned against the wall. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"James?"

He looked up at the sound of his name and found Joey Mellilo looking at him.

"Oh, hi." He said awkwardly, standing up.

"Are you alright?" she walked toward him.

"I'm just peachy."

"You're coming tomorrow. Lily told me." She leaned against the wall next to him. "Do you like Lily?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"No, I mean do you like her, as more than a friend?"

He stared straight ahead and answered, "I like her more than anything. I'm pretty sure if I had any idea of what love was I could say that I love her. But she doesn't love me, so I'd like to keep that information private, if you wouldn't mind."

"I don't mind. But when this is all over, I hope you know that you're going to have to tell her. Emotions like that can't just stay inside you."

**_&$!_**

"EMMA!" Joey's voice rang through the common room as she bounced down the stairs, landing at James's feet. "Oh, hullo." She looked up to find him suppressing a grin. "Don't you look nice and muggle-y."

"It's my dad's." he replied, tugging at his tie.

"Right. EMMA! Come on! Seriously, we're going to be gone for one day."

"I think you have too much energy to be going to a funeral." Emma said, taking her time down the steps.

"It's a muggle funeral, I've never been." She crossed her arms over her chest and stalked to the portrait hole.

James and Emma followed her quietly till they reached the gargoyle.

"Did Dumbledore give you a password or something?" Joey asked.

"No, he just said to come here at seven—,"

"Yes, I do believe I forgot to tell you that. _Ice Mice_." The three teenagers spun around to find Dumbledore standing behind them, an amused smile on his face. He gestured to the spiraling staircase. "Shall we?"

"Are you coming professor?"

"No. I am escorting you to an old friend's house, and then I am taking you to a nearby street, which will lead you to Miss Evans's house."

They walked up the spiral staircase, and entered the familiar office of the Headmaster.

"Please, Mr. Potter, no tricks. You must be on your best behavior this whole trip; you three are representing the school of Hogwarts." He walked to the fireplace, took a fistful of floo powder and dropped it. He stepped in, gestured for everyone else to follow him and said "DEVIN DRIVE."

Joey squeezed her eyes shut and felt herself go around and around. She hated this. She hated feeling sad, but currently she hated feeling queasy.

Suddenly the turning stopped and she fell to her knees.

"Joey, get up." Came the sound of Emma's voice. "We're here."

She opened her eyes and looked up into two anxious faces.

**_&$!_**

Lily sat silently on the couch in her parents' house; Petunia was sitting on the other end, just as quiet. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since Lily had arrived.

"Lily dear? You look so beautiful and grown up." She looked into identical emerald eyes. They were full of sadness, concern, and even a bit of happiness. They were the eyes of her grandmother.

Lily gave her thanks and robotically hugged her before the elderly woman moved on to Petunia.

Lily needed to get out of there. Everywhere she turned; people were eyeing her pitifully, or crying. She had been so strong, and hadn't cried since that horrible Monday. She got up slowly, so as not to attract too much attention from her guests and, avoiding the groups of people crying, made her way to her front door.

She opened it and came face to face with someone's shoulder. Looking up she found a pair of hazel eyes, hidden behind glasses under a mop of messy jet-black hair. James Potter.

She took a step back and fell to her knees. Her chest went tight and her eyes began to sting as her vision blurred. She felt herself shake as a sob escaped her. Her head fell into her hands and she began to cry uncontrollably. Not even a second later she felt two pairs of arms encircle her shaking form.

"Shh Lily." Emma tried soothing her.

"It's okay," Joey said, "Let it out. We're here for you."

Lily held onto them with all her might and sobbed into their shoulders.

"I think we should take her outside." Came James's voice.

Lily lifted her head and nodded. She allowed herself to be half carried out by Joey and Emma, but as soon as she reached the bottom of her stoop she made them drop their arms and walked on her own.

"Where're we going?" Joey asked.

"The park."

"Oh, well that's alright I guess."

"Joey, stop talking." Emma said, rubbing her temples.

"No Emma its fine." Lily said, smiling slightly. She needed the persistent pestering; it kept her from thinking about this horrible reality.

They came upon the little park, with the swing sets swinging in the wind.

Lily walked to the nearest one and sat down, rather tired. "We have to be back in about thirty minutes. The v-viewing will be then. We can walk to it from here though."

"Okay, Lily. We'll be there." Joey said, taking the swing beside her.

_**&!$**_

James watched Lily intently as the viewing progressed. She sat quietly most of the time. Occasionally, she would take a deep breath, as if she was bored. Finally, as what seemed like hours of excruciatingly painful thoughts for James, the horrible day had come to an end and Lily sat with him awaiting the arrival of Dumbledore on her street corner. Joey had busied herself with the battery powered flashlight she had found and Emma was attempting to explain how it worked, unsuccessfully.

"So, are you flooing back?"

"I suppose so, I mean we could probably Disapparate to Hogsmeade and walk back, but I suppose that would take too long." James answered.

"I'm coming with you."

That simple sentence gave James the most wonderful feeling. He had to work fairly hard to conceal the grin that fought to show on his face.

"You're not going to just leave your family are you?"

"They'll do perfectly well without me. They have for the past six years."

There was a loud _CRACK! _And there stood the silver-bearded Headmaster of Hogwarts.

"Miss Evans, have you your suitcase ready?" Dumbledore said kneeling in front of his sitting students.

"Yes professor, it's in my pocket." James gave her a confused look.

"Very well then, shall we?"

Joey and Emma appeared at Lily's side as she stood.

"Professor?" Joey asked. "How are we getting back?"

"Same way we arrived." He turned and started walking down the street.

**_&$!_**

James was pacing again. He had been doing it for the past three days since the funeral. Randomly he would get off his bed and pace the entire length of the dorms.

"Padfoot? Moony? Why did this happen to her? I just don't understand."

"None of us do, mate. It is about ready to be war-time. People do die in war James." Remus said, looking up from his charms essay. "Things that are unfair happen all the time. It's just the way of life."

"I know. But if you had seen her face! I'VE SEEN HER CRY TWICE NOW!" he bellowed unexpectedly, making Remus and Sirius wince. "SHE ISN'T LILY WHEN SHE CRIES. I can't take it. It literally makes my heart ache. Given, she does look beautiful when she cries. Her guard is down, and you can see everything. It's like when she smiles."

Sirius gave a snort. "I thought you said she isn't Lily."

"In the tower that day, she didn't go up there to cry in peace, Padfoot, she was up there to throw herself off it." He said quietly, finally sitting down on the end of Sirius's bunk.

Sirius watched him silently for a moment. James was dangerous when he was like this. Every word had to be measured and weighed properly before spoken. "Nobody can be expected to be themselves when they just lost half of who they are. Lily lost her parents. The people who raised her, cared for her, accepted her and most of all, loved her."

James stood up again, and walked over to his own bed. "I know. But what if I wasn't up there? She was really going to jump." He stopped then whispered, "I almost lost her."

"But you didn't." Remus spoke up. "You were there and you saved her from something she would have regretted. Prongs, she'll be alright. She just needs time to handle it all. It's a lot to handle, losing your parents and all. Trust me, I should know."

"He's right. Like that one guy said, everything will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end."

They saw James punch his pillow and lie down, his hands behind his head. "I guess, but I hope that end comes soon. I swear I'm going to lose it if I have to see her like that again. She was so broken and alone. I couldn't do anything, nothing at all, except watch her in all her misery."

There was silence in the dorm for a few seconds. Then, from somewhere below, there came the sound of a piercing scream.

"Bloody hell, what was that?" Sirius said, standing up. Remus had already ran out the door and down the hallway.

"I don't know." James and Sirius bolted out the door after Remus. They ran through the empty common room and down the staircase leading to the Great Hall, when they reached the landing, they pushed through the crowd that had formed and found themselves looking at a very dangerous and bewildering scene.

"BELLATRIX!" Sirius yelled, running into it. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER! NOW!" the heavy lidded girl looked up, an evil smirk on her face.

"Oh how nice that the filthy blood traitor has joined us." She backed away from the unconscious girl on the ground, revealing Emma's crumpled form. "I didn't do anything to her though, Sirius." She cackled.

He kneeled beside Emma and shook her lightly. "Emma? Emma, you have to wake up." He saw her eyes flutter open and look around fearfully.

"Sirius. Wha— someone hit me, from behind with some curse."

"Was it Bella?" She shook her head and shut her eyes, falling unconscious once again.

"Padfoot," James's gentle voice said. "You have to get her to the hospital wing. I'll take care of everything."

He nodded and picked her up carefully in his arms. Walking toward the stairs he muttered a quick thanks to the people who had made a path for him to easily walk through.

As he made his way up the stairs the unmistakable sound of Lily and Joey's panicked voices entered the hall.

**_&$!_**

"James! What happened!" Joey panted, skidding to a halt in front of him. "Remus just told us something happened to Emma and that we had to get to the Hall quickly." She said it so fast James almost didn't catch it.

"I don't know. I have to get everyone out and then we can clear everything up."

"STUDENTS! PLEASE EXIT THE HALL AND RESUME YOUR ACTIVITIES, ANYONE WHO HAS ANY INFORMATION PLEASE TELL EITHER MYSELF OR PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE. NOW LEAVE!" McGonagall's voice rang through the air, making most students jump and head for the nearest exit. "Mr. Potter, what happened?" she said, making her way over to the three students.

"Professor, I've no idea. I only just got here. Sirius took Emma to the Hospital Wing, and—," his sentence was unable to be finished, as the two girls beside him sprinted off, as did McGonagall at a fairly fast walk.

"Lovely day, wouldn't you say Prongs?" Remus said bitterly.

"Lovely. Let's go see her."

Remus nodded and they set off toward the wing. "Do you think Sirius fancies Emma still?"

"Me? I think so. But of course we can't be certain because he's Sirius and he's incredibly unpredictable."

"I think he does."

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hope you liked it.

so please review. it would be fairly nice.

i got really bored so thats why i did that little suspenseful scene (at least i attempted for it to be.)

the next chapter might be a alittle pointless,but thats cause i wanna do a little bit of fluff, get rid of the sad mood.


	3. Chapter 3

sorry its been so long. I was just so busy with lacrosse and school and friends. i also had writers block haha.

well here it is. Chapter three. Even though i only got three reviewers lol i thank you beautiful people. read and review pleasee:

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in here you recognize from Harry Potter or any other works. Thank you.

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**Chapter Three:**

"Moony?" James said as he entered their dorm. "Have you seen Padfoot lately?"

Remus nodded. "'Bout an hour ago. Said something about a broom closet, Emma and his bloody imagination. I think the poor blokes finally lost it."

"Did he happen to say which broom closet?"

"Prongs I think you've gone mad too."

"Right you are about that one."

"This is all so ironic. Here I thought _I'd _be the one to lose it." Remus chuckled.

"Why?" James gave him a confused look.

"I'm the monster, you guys are just normal." He chuckled again.

"You're not a monster." He said seriously. "You've just got a Furry Little Problem once a month. Kind of like a girl's got one."

Remus looked at his serious face and started laughing uncontrollably. "I think my problems a little bigger than that."

"Goodbye Moony." A little irritated, James left the room and went down to the quidditch pitch one beater short.

Standing in the light rain he saw the Gryffindor team, frustrated looks plastered onto their faces.

"Oi James! We've been out here for thirty minutes captain-less. Where've you been?"

"Calm down Mellilo, I'm here now." He mounted his broom and joined his team in the air. "Alright has someone warmed—"

"Yeah, we've warmed up Keefer and did laps around the field jogging and in the air." Joey answered. "Where's Sirius? Daniel released the bludgers and we found we only had one beater to beat them."

"He's apparently studying in a broom closet with Emma." James mumbled. "We'll decide how to deal with it after practice. Now c'mon." He took the quaffle from Joey and threw it harder than necessary at Daniel Baer, the other chaser, who was in deep conversation with Madelynne Kearney, the seeker. "Let's get to work people! Hendericks just do the best you can today, sorry about Sirius."

_**&$!**_

"Lily?" the voice in the silent room made her jump.

"Oh! Amos, you scared me." She gave him a warm smile and patted the seat beside her.

"Sorry, didn't mean to. You just looked like something was troubling you so I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do."

Lily liked Amos. He was a nice guy to be friends with; he was always happy to lend a helping hand or listen to a troubled friend. But it wasn't what she needed right now. She really just wanted to be left alone until she had to go to her heads meeting with James at eight. She still had one hour of peace.

"No, I was just thinking." She glanced at the book she had laid out in front of her. "Potions homework you know, Professor Slughorn gave me some reading for extra credit." It wasn't a whole lie. It was a potions book she had in front of her and it was extra reading, but there was no credit and it wasn't assigned. In fact she hadn't been reading it all. "It's a bit confusing and I was just trying to figure it out you know." She smiled at him, hoping he got the message.

He did. "Oh well I guess I'll leave it you to it. I know you'll get it though." He gave her a smile and turned to leave.

Thinking she was rid of him she went back to staring blankly at her book.

"Sorry to bother you again, Lily," she turned to look at him, "but I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to the next Hogsmeade trip?"

"Oh." She wasn't really planning to even go on the next trip but she might as well go with a nice friend. "Sure, why not."

His face lit up and Lily's stomach dropped. "Excellent. Well I best be off. Good luck with that." He gestured to her book and then turned and left the library.

What had she gotten herself into? A date with Amos Diggory. Sure, he was cute and everything. But now was definitely not the time to get involved with anyone when she was be bound to have a breakdown at any given time.

She picked up her book and packed it away in her bag with a sigh. She wasn't reading it and peace in the library was questionable, but peace in the Head's room was obvious.

"_Mimbulus Mimbletonia._" She waited patiently for the wall to make the entrance way.

It had been a month since they'd died and three weeks since Emma had been attacked. There was a new feeling in her that she couldn't place. Sadness was present, along with anger and of course a vengeance. But it was as if she was changing inside, growing stronger.

There was a noise from outside in the corridor and Lily checked her watch. It was fifteen minutes till the meeting, and James was never early.

The dark hair entered first through the entry way. Apparently she was wrong.

"Hey. You're early."

"First time for everything." He stood awkwardly for a second before walking over and sitting next to her. "Started thundering and lightning and Joey complained loudly, so I let them go." He smiled a crooked smile.

"I love the rain."

"Why? It's so;" he paused thinking, "wet."

"No really?" She laughed. "It's unpredictable and beautiful."

"I guess. I dunno. It's a fun ruiner too." Lily laughed again. "I love sun."

"That's alright too. But interesting things never happen in the sun."

"Sometimes interesting things shouldn't happen at all." He smiled and she became quiet.

"We need to talk James." She bit her lip, nervous. "About that day in the tower." His eyes were on her and she felt the blush slowly creep up and spread to her cheeks. "I'm not ever like that. I just didn't know what to do—"

"It's alright Lily, really, I kinda understand."

"You have both your parents, you couldn't." she mumbled so quietly she wasn't sure he heard her.

"I've lost a sister." He responded. "I told her she should become an auror because healers were boring."

"You had a sister?"

"I had two, now I've got one." He smiled at her.

"What's her name?"

"Elizabeth. My older sister was Kate." Lily put her hand on his arm.

"What are they like?"

"Kate was always indecisive to the point where she would infuriate me beyond belief." He laughed again and Lily smiled. "Had this name she would call me, Sirius loves to use it, Jim Bob a Rob. Made no sense. Anyways, she died on the job. Went to arrest this man for illegal magic, and he killed her."

"I'm so sorry James, that's not fair."

He ignored her and went on. "Elizabeth is a lot like her, though she won't know that because she was only four when she died. When I come home she likes to pretend I don't exist and only gives attention to Sirius because he brings her chocolate."

"He's such a ladies man." James laughed at her.

"You have no idea. He's got half of the women in my family in love with him." He stood up and walked across the room, Lily following his every move. "We'd better start working on this dance though," he turned around, papers in hand, and met her gaze, his mouth hanging open, not finishing what he was going to say.

Lily stood up and crossed the room, standing barely a foot from him.

"Lily, I need to confess something." He took a step toward her and she mimicked it. He was leaning down towards her and she was barely aware she was leaning up, "I think I'm in—" but before he finished Lily had closed the gap and kissed him.

It took only a second for her to realize what she had done. She quickly pulled away and stepped back, eyes wide.

"I'm so sorry! I—" but she didn't finish because she didn't know what to say. She grabbed her bag and ran form the room, down the corridor and up a flight of stairs to the Gryffindor tower.

_**&$!**_

James stood in shock for at least five minutes his hand touching his lips where hers had briefly been. This had to be a dream. Lily Evans would never, ever kiss him. But obviously things changed.

"Bloody hell." He whispered aloud. "She kissed me."

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hope you liked it.

please review :)


	4. Chapter 4

disclaimer: I own nothing in here except for anything you don't recognize. I also took something from breaking dawn. I don't own that either haha.

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_Chapter Four-_

The next month seemed to go by quickly as the holiday soon approached, the ball not being planned at all because of a mysterious awkwardness between the Heads, had been postponed for the spring. On the other hand, an extra visit to Hogsmeade had been scheduled for two weekends after the approaching one. No one knew exactly what had happened between them; they just knew that suddenly Lily Evans was avoiding James Potter as if he had come down with the plague.

James laid in his bed thinking. He was feeling restless and needed to escape. Remus and Sirius had been pestering him to find out what happened, but he wasn't giving in. He touched his lips, a small smile playing there.

"Prongs mate!" Sirius came slightly wobbly through the door, startling him form his thoughts. "I'm in love." He fell while he was attempting to sit on James's bed. Giving up he just sat there on the floor. "Emmeline Hill has my heart and for some reason I don't want it back. Ever." He slurred his words and giggled.

"You get into Fire whiskey?" James asked, plopping down beside his best friend.

"No." Sirius lied, then realized he was caught and confessed. "Yes."

"So, you're in love with Emma?"

"Yeah, and she doesn't even know. I was gunna go and get on my knees and confess it but I don't think she'd like it that much." He gave James a hard slap on the back. "Oh Jimbo. I see why you can't just let Lily walk away now. It's a feeling of emptiness thinking that they're gone forever." He was silent for a short while, thinking probably. "You gotta tell her. I dunno what happened that made her avoid you, but being so miserable like you are will kill you; and Prongs I wouldn't be the same without ya' mate." He was quiet again, and James thought he'd finally passed out.

"Come on Padfoot. Up we go." He picked him up, staggering under the weight a little, and put him on his bed. He'd just sleep in Sirius's tonight.

He knew Sirius right. He'd explode soon if he went another month without talking to her about this. It was too much.

**_&$!_**

"Lily, we need to talk." She turned around and looked in the doorway of her dorm, her arms across her chest, facing Joey and Emma who barred her way out. "Tell us what he did, and we'll take care of it."

"He didn't do anything!" she threw her hands up, exasperated. "I told you already, I don't want to talk about it."

"Lily! You've been avoiding him like he's some monster. You can't do this anymore. You guys are the Heads, you're seventeen." Emma walked forward, grabbed Lily's arm and forced her to sit on a bed. "Grow the hell up already."

"Emma!" Joey went forward and stood in front of the bed. "Lily, listen. I don't know what happened that day, but I do know that this worse than when you two used to fight."

Lily looked at their worried faces and knew she had to confess. "I kissed him." She said quietly.

"Repeat that please?" Joey said, the disbelief showing in every line of her features.

"I. Kissed. James. Potter." She said, the blush coloring her cheeks a shade lighter than her vivid red hair. "I don't know why. I just did it! I didn't think or anything. It just happened."

"I kissed Sirius."

"You snogged Sirius, Emma. There's a bit of a difference." Joey said, annoyed. "Okay Lily. What exactly happened?"

So Lily told them everything, from beginning to end, even including the part where she felt like fireworks had been lit off for a brief second when it happened.

There was silence for a little while after she had explained. Then:

"YOU FANCY HIM!" Emma shouted, a huge grin across her face. "Lily Evans fancies James Potter. I'm waiting for the world to stop turning or some sign that the world is coming to an end."

Lily rolled her eyes and looked down at her shoes. "I don't fancy him, and he's a big headed bullying toe rag who—"

"Lily. Stop it." Joey said harshly. "Give the poor boy a break." She sighed as Lily pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, head resting on her knees.

"I don't fancy him." Lily said again. "I'm over emotional and he's been so nice and I just don't know what came over me."

"The urge to kiss his luscious lips?" Emma supplied jokingly.

Lily gave her a slap on the arm as she laughed. "You know all about that urge, don't you Miss I-snogged-Sirius." The girls laughed, accepting the change in topic.

"During quidditch practice, might I add!" Joey said indignantly. Sirius's beating for the next game was very bad, the reason being he missed three of the seven quidditch practices because he was 'studying' with Emma.

"He asked me to Hogsmeade this weekend." She said a smile on her face. "Too bad he's an idiot who's afraid of commitment." She added grudgingly at the end.

"Who knows Emma." Lily sympathetically said to her friend. "Maybe you'll be the girl to change him."

"Who knows Lily," Joey slyly mumbled, "maybe you'll be the girl to change him."

"We're talking about Emma."

"I'm talking about you." Joey sighed in defeat. "At least tell him why you kissed him."

Lily nodded. "I've been attempting to think of a way to do it."

**_&$!_**

The next morning James awoke to the sound of Remus slamming doors and making an abundance of noises.

"MOOOONY!" Sirius bellowed.

Remus came out from the bathroom, a huge grin on his face. "Is something wrong? Are you not feeling well today?" he asked, mock innocence coating every word.

"I believe Padfoot has a hangover." Peter squeaked as if Remus was serious.

"Well good thing it's Friday and we have Double Potions first!" he exclaimed loudly, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

"Stupid git." Sirius grumbled, sitting up. "I'm spinning." He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"I can't believe you broke into the fire whiskey stash on a Thursday."

"Shut it." He looked over at James. "I'm in your bed."

"Again."

"That messed up, eh?" James laughed and threw a bottle at him. "I can't believe your dad actually got us this stuff." The bottle read: _Miss Hipockles Hangover Cure._

"Plus the whiskey." James added. Sirius laughed and made to get off the bed, but had to sit back down again and take a big swig of the hangover potion.

"Aright mates." Remus said, coming out from the bathroom, wiping his face with a towel. "See you down at breakfast."

"GIT!" Sirius bellowed as Remus walked out of the room. Remus's hand stuck back in with and obscene gesture and then he was gone, his footsteps fading as he went farther down the stairs.

"Moony. This is ridiculously stupid." James said in potions as he sat there, his head in his hands looking at his notebook where he had drawn several doodles. Currently he was working a picture of the cauldron blowing up. "I'm bored." He leaned back after putting the finishing touches on the picture.

"Suck it up." They were waiting for thirty minutes while their cauldron bubbled and turned a sickly pink. It was supposed to turn a shocking violet.

Remus was providing no interesting things, so James went to his favorite distraction: Lily. She was wearing her long, beautiful deep auburn hair in braids, with her bangs wisped to the side. She was truly the most beautiful being he had ever laid eyes on.

"Prongs." Remus interrupted his thoughts.

"What?"

"What happened that night?" Remus looked at him, and knew James was going to tell. Remus was a bit of a weakness to him.

"She kissed me." James whispered.

Remus's jaw dropped. "You?" he whispered back.

"No, Moony. The Giant Squid!" James looked appalled. "Yes me."

"Fuck." James raised his eyebrows; Remus never cursed. "That's intense."

James sat there awkwardly.

"You sure she didn't accidentally fall on your lips?"

"Bite me Moony."

He laughed good naturedly and said, "Well we're done. Suppose Sirius and Emma had much luck?"

"Not if they just snogged the whole class." James grumbled. He was still sore over the missing practice incidents. They had made him run three laps around the field every time he didn't show. The team had voted not to kick him off yet, unless his performance in the games was affected drastically.

"James m'boy!" Professor Slughorn almost bellowed as James went to put the potion on his desk. "I would like to invite you to attend this evening's slug club!" James searched his head for any excuse to escape the dry party.

"Erm, sorry professor but," he was hit with one as soon as Lily walked up to place her potion, completely avoiding eye contact. "But I have a heads meeting with Lily tonight."

Lily finally looked at him, her eyes wide. "Oh that's too bad. I'm going to miss two very bright students at this party then, well you could always come after."

"Oh I'll try but I don't know we have to organize things, make lists. Very tiring." He ended, slipping away grabbing Lily by the hand as he made his escape.

"Potter get off me!" Lily said pulling her hand back, just as they escaped the room.

"Look, _Evans_," he said a bit harsh, "like it or not, we need to actually do our head duties. So I'm calling an emergency meeting tonight, even if you think it will be awkward."

"And what happens if I don't show to this 'emergency meeting'?" She asked stubbornly.

"I'll report you and tell Professor Dumbledore you're refusing to do your duties." He said coolly.

"You wouldn't dare." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Oh I would." He turned to leave, but quickly threw over his shoulder, "Seven. In the Heads Room." With that he walked off, his anger boiling as he walked farther away form her.

**_&$!_**

Lily had never been as angry at James as she was now. He had backed her in a corner she couldn't get out of and she knew exactly why. She'd never admit this to him, but she had been wrong and he was right. She was supposed to be the clever one, him the imbecile, but apparently it was his turn to play cleverly.

Nonetheless, she was there at seven on the dot, or most likely a couple minutes early. But James had beaten her there.

"Potter."

"Evans." James never looked up from the lists in front of him.

"James." His quill stopped moving on the parchment. "I just wanted to apologize for—for kissing you last meeting." He was looking at her now. "It was wrong, and I didn't mean to."

"How do you accidentally kiss someone?" he said nonchalantly.

"It may not have been accidental." She said quickly. Then added: "I mean, I was so confused and stressed, not to mention you were so nice to me the whole time. And you saved my life." She looked at her feet and stood there for a minute waiting for some answer. She looked up when he spoke:

"Lily." She strained to hear what he was saying because he spoke so quietly. "I'm going to ask one final time before I give up and move on." He looked up and suddenly Lily's stomach flipped just making eye contact with him. "Will you go out with me Lily Evans?"

She was silent for a second. "No."

And as he got up to leave from the couch, she felt a sudden pain in her chest. "James wait!" she took a step toward him.

He stopped and turned expectantly towards her, and when she said nothing, he did, "I've been waiting since first year, Lily. Don't you think seven years is long enough?" He left the room, his footsteps echoing down the corridor as he left her standing there.

**_&$!_**

The holiday vacation came quickly after that night. James was trying to act completely normal whenever he came into contact with Lily, and he assumed she was doing the same. But as Christmas came, he was almost too relieved to be getting away.

"Moony?" James looked at his friend with concern. It was getting to be full moon and Remus was looking a bit peaky. "You sure you don't want me and Sirius staying with you over the holidays?"

"No." he growled. "Just go home with your families and have loads of fun. I'll be sitting in the hospital wing for a bit of it. But don't worry yourselves over cookies and presents."

"I'm staying Padfoot." James turned to Sirius. "Are you?"

"I'm with you."

"I would!" Peter squeaked, "But mother won't allow it. You know how she is."

"No." Remus said with finality, "Go home."

"Moony, we're staying."

"Sirius. You're not. I'm not going to be the cause of your crappy holiday." He was getting frustrated, his shortened temper shortening. "Get packing."

"Please Moony. You know full moons are never crappy." Sirius tried to add helpfully.

"Pack." He said, ending the conversation.

An hour later Sirius and James had finally finished and were heading down to the quidditch pitch for the last practice before break.

"I've been thinking—"

"That's never good."

"Shut it. I've been thinking about asking Emma to be my girlfriend." Sirius looked down at his shoes, a blush slowly spreading along his cheeks.

"Go for it." James said simply.

"I also think you should start dating again."

"I can't Padfoot." James mumbled quietly. "I don't see anyone else. Everywhere I look there she is. When I look in another girls face I see something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I even see her instead of the actual girl." He was quiet waiting for Sirius's laugh.

He couldn't take this anymore. He thought he was strong enough to take it, to get through it until the pressure on his chest disappeared, but he wasn't sure anymore. Every time he saw her his stomach still did summersaults, his heart told him she was it but it his head told him to move on.

"I think I'm losing my mind, Padfoot."

"Or just suffering from a broken heart."

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